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"Relena's Inevitable Death"
Saturday, May 13, 2006: Mika walks into her computer room to find
Duo feverishly typing away on her computer.
Mika: Duo, WTF are you doing??
Duo stops suddenly and glances around, finding Mika's face. He grins devilishly.
Duo: Just workin' on a little fan fiction~
Mika: Fan fiction? Of what?
Duo: Well, Gundam Wing, duh.
Mika: Gundam Wing?! You're ficcing your own show??
Duo: ...?? Why not?
Mika: Er, hm, well, I guess it's not unfeasible...but why are you on MY computer??
Duo's eyebrows slowly slide into an expression of irritation. He swivels to
face Mika and points an accusing finger at her.
Duo: Hey! You're the one who kidnapped me and trapped me here with your fangirl-magic!
You should have thought about bringing my stuff along with me!
Mika: I DID! What's that then?!
She points her finger at the window. All that can be seen is a giant, black
metallic, pointed shoe.
Duo: Pshaw, you just brought along my buddy so you could play around with him.
He makes a pouty face and swivels back to face the computer screen, giving
Mika the coldest shoulder he can.
Mika rolls her eyes.
Mika: What's your fic called, anyway?
Duo instantly brightens up.
Duo: Relena's Inevitable Death!
Mika: MUAHAHAHA! That's beautiful!! What's the plot?!
Duo: Well, so far I'm just recapping the various times when she SHOULD have
died, but the directors kept her in just to please the Three.
Mika: The 'Three'?
Duo: Yeah, the Three is short for Three Relena Fans. They're the only scientifically
documented Relena fans in existence.
Mika stops short, surprised that Relena fans COULD exist. After a moment she
regains mental focus.
Mika: If there were only three, why didn't you just take -care- of them?
Duo: Well, I DID....I tried anyway. You know how much we all hate Relena, I
tried to do us all a favor to get her out of the show...since direct interference
wouldn't work I tried an indirect approach...
Mika: You tried to assassinate the three fans?
Duo: Eh-heh, yeah! But THAT didn't work either, and then they rewrote everyone's
contracts so that we couldn't lay a finger on them.
He sighs regretfully.
Mika: Aside from that, I don't see why the only three Relena fans would make
such a big difference anyway. We Duo fans could kill them with a glance!!
Duo rubs his fingers together, suggesting money.
Duo: They're RELENA fans, they're...highly influential, if you follow me.
Mika: Ahhh, I see...
Duo: Anyway, right now I'm working on the Darlain assassination ^^
Mika squishes her eyebrows into an expression of interest.
Duo: You know the time when Lady Une left that bogus makeup compact-
Mika interrupts with a gale of laughter.
Duo: WTF Mika?
She wipes tears from her eyes.
Mika: Sorry...ha ha, sorry, it's just me...
Duo scrunches his face.
Duo: WHAT?!
Mika: I dunno, just the fact that you called it a makeup compact! I mean, I
use makeup and I don't call them compacts! I only ever hear the manufacturers
call it that to sound official or something...
Duo: God, you are stupid...
Mika: Hey, don't be mean!
Mika makes a chibi pouty face, and it's Duo's turn to roll his eyes.
Duo: ANYWAY, she leaves her makeup BOMB there to kill VFM Darlain, right? There
are at least three huge opportunities for Relena to bite the big one!!
Mika: Interesting, please go on!
Duo: The first one is simple and sweet. When Relena passes Une on the way to
talk to daddy-dear, all Une had to do was pull out her gun and blast the bitch.
Mika: Why the Hell didn't she?!
Duo: Ah, I've talked to Une about that, she still regrets it to this day, I'm
afraid. Has to see a shrink sometimes to cope with the regret...the second opportunity
is better though! Relena stops off to tell Darlain that she's off to spend his
hard-earned money. There are millions of reasons she could have stayed for a few
minutes longer. She could have went in to ask daddy for some cash, stopped at
a water fountain, hell she could have found herself a nice balcony to shout at
Heero from! Ten seconds more and we would have had a utopia...
Mika: Ah, how sweet the world would have been.
Duo: The third major opportunity would have been great, probably the best one.
When those colonists try to get her to calm the fuck down, instead of injecting
her with ketamine, they could accidentally slip in a big ol' dose of potassium
chloride!! No one can deny that we all would have loved to watch the little pink
worm wriggle as her heart gave out!
Mika and Duo laugh manaically.
Mika: That fic sounds like it's shaping up well!! It's so satisfying that I don't even feel like pestering
you into any awkward shower situations with Heero today ^_^
Duo: O_o; Thank God for that...
This page last updated May 13, 2006.
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